Are shoes preventing us from staying grounded?

Now, this is serious. In recent years, the level of arrogance found in the average human being has sky rocketed. Our audacity, our egos will continue to swell until, I fear, we reach a metaphorical pop and our vain overconfidence will explode all over the place. Obliterating our neat beige lives, staining our former unpretentious selves and probably ruining the furniture. That sounds like quite the clean up operation. After extensive research and (mostly) killer intuition, I have discovered the common denominator that links all us cocky bastards: shoes.  They are on every street, they are on our feet and they are, quite literally, leading us astray.

For starters, how do we expect to be down to Earth if we never touch the sweet soil that prospers around us? Huh? I can bet that not one of you can remember the last time your foot squelched into soggy grass, your toe dipped in some mud, or your heels scraped along filthy, cold paving slabs. This is a major problem. We have become so spoilt with cheap canvas, rubber and baby pink PVC that we never need struggle to reach our destinations. We can stroll to work over spikey stones, traipsing over sticky littered pavements, trot over boiling summer concrete with devastating ease. We completely miss out on character building scrapes, open wounds, infections, burns and valuable strife. No wonder we have floated so far up our own arses.

I think it’s time we glance back at our roots. We forget the humble beginnings of our quirky little ancestors. Those cute hipster cave men and women who would strut around bare foot whatever the weather. They simply weren’t interested in the new Nike drop or the sock boot trend that has been, as fashion often is, reinvented today. Did you see them hanging around at the crack of dawn outside Foot Locker on Black Friday? Queuing up in their chic rustic tunics and their beads and things. It’s widely recorded that the lack of time and attention spent on footwear freed up a lot of brain space, hence why they managed to invent axes, bowls and human sacrifice. They chose to live more of a hippy lifestyle. And they seemed nice so it can’t do any harm.

It’s no surprise we have become too big for our boots (pun very much intended). The godlike transformation that goes hand in hand with the first outing in your new shoes, your fresh creps, your on fleek sneaks, is unavoidable. The current empowerment trend is only encouraged by the feeling of pure ‘bad bitch’ when you walk to Asda in your fuchsia platform leather knee highs. This newfound security in ourselves is getting out of hand as we slowly slide into a world full of Kanyes. Whatever happened to the good old days of flimsy Shoe Zone pumps and self loathing? This is all without touching on heels. Heels. As if our trendy chunky soles weren’t distancing us from the floor enough. We have to put a six inch twig between us and the universe. Talk about avoiding reality. And the scariest part… we are raising our children in shoes upon shoes before they even begin to walk. It really is a sick joke.

Next time, think twice before slipping on that peach kitten heal, the unfortunate looking Balenciaga or your teal loafer. Do you want to be a self obsessed arsehole? If the answer is no, brave it bareback through the streets of whatever generic suburb you reside in. If you really want to be down to Earth, you simply have to ditch those kicks.

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