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Father forced to buy sanitary products doesn’t burst into flames

On a seemingly ordinary weekend, car salesman, Danny Dune, from Slough enjoyed egg on toast, albeit overdone, before settling onto the sofa for a football marathon. Before he could even reach the TV guide his long term partner, Beverly Pitt, informed him she had to rush off to work at late notice, leaving Dune with sole responsibility over their children, Diana and Fiona. Still full from his sunny-side-up with extra butter, Dune stayed strong and accepted his fate.

Sanitary products. Father watching TV.

Hours later he was feeling very pleased with himself, having remembered both children’s names almost all afternoon and even had a conversation with one of them. He had parented perfectly, keeping sharp objects out of reach and telling them ‘no’ when they asked for things. But what he wasn’t prepared for was little Fiona’s next request.

At approximately 4.42pm Fiona, 13, strolled into the kitchen and calmly informed her father she had run out of sanitary towels. 9 year old Diana was the only eyewitness. She shares with us her account.

‘Fiona asked for some more pads because she didn’t have any left. Dad went really white and I thought he might faint or something. He laid down on the carpet for a bit after that.’

Sanitary products. Tampons.

It is widely known that the purchasing of sanitary products as a male can be extremely risky and sometimes fatal. It can instigate medical issues: the male’s ego can combust, causing a tiny explosion in the brain, professionally known as an macho-death. Additionally, it is thought that a chemical reaction occurs when a man touches the packaging of said sanitary product, consequently starting a large fire. For years men have tried their best to avoid buying pads, tampons, menstrual cups and period pants for the greater good, and tend to do a marvelous job of it.

So, when Danny Dune was faced with an impossible decision, he chose his daughter. He knew this trip to Tesco Extra could be his last, and he knew he could potentially burn down the building, but Fiona needed him. He dived into his Skoda, put Chelsea vs Tottenham on the radio and hurtled to the town center.

Sanitary product shopping. Trolley.
Sanitary product shopping. Tesco.

When he arrived, he grabbed a trolley and entered the premises. Navigating his way to the toiletries section, he spotted the Always Ultra with Wings. With one heroic reach, he narrowly dodged the Vagisil and scooped them up. After a few seconds he opened his eyes again and marvelled at the situation he found himself in. He was totally intact.

Dune’s experience has given hope to families across the UK, particularly mothers; the male parenting community is yet to speak out. In such dark times, it’s so uplifting to see that miracles really can happen.

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Bel
Bel (@guest_40)
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8 months ago

Ha. Congrats Dune hun

Soph_b
Soph_b (@guest_45)
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8 months ago

Hilarious and so true!