Just moaning about the fact I haven’t won the lottery yet
I don’t play it, obviously. I’m too stingy to gamble or place a bet.
I’m sulking about the fact I’m not a boss bitch with air miles and a keep cup
When I haven’t updated my CV since I was sixteen (and most of that’s made up).
Annoyed that I’m not much more interesting by now
But I spend my free time refreshing my emails and looking at my own Instagram profile.
Having a tantrum cus I don’t have the physique of an athlete
I thought if you buy a Fitbit and watch yoga on YouTube it doesn’t matter what you eat.
When will I be well travelled? Less culturally lame?
Don’t tell me a Pinterest ‘holibobs’ board isn’t the same.
Fuming that the number of books I’ve read is a pathetic amount
But I suppose you have to take them off the bedside table for them to count.
Absolutely gutted not to be a really famous popstar
Don’t think it’s my fault it takes so long to learn to play the guitar.
Pissed off not to be living in a zone one penthouse with seven loos
Yes, I spend all my spare cash on artisan coffee, £50 candles and Deliveroos.
The point is I’m outraged I have to put up with this crap
When is something phenomenal gonna land in my lap?