Woman files for divorce after years of thinking her barista husband was a barrister

Hannah Ball’s world was turned upside down when her husband, Ken Ball, came home one night with an apron on, smelling of a rich Costa Rican blend with notes of caramel. Hannah, 51 from Friern Barnet, uncovered her partner’s true identity after thirty two years of marriage, which she now has to face, was all a sick lie.

His façade began to slip months earlier when the pressure of a double life was becoming intolerable. The cracks started to show when Ken made silly mistakes around the house. One evening he put their roasted red pepper soup in the milk frother as well as other dinners including a Caesar salad, chilli con carne, and a full Sunday roast. He also wrote Hannah’s name on the side of her mug on a number of occasions, often misspelling it. It’s a wonder she wasn’t suspicious when her favourite cups had ‘Hammer’, ‘Hamper’ and ‘Heffa’ written on them in sharpie.

Hannah and Ken's wedding day, Surrey, 1988.
A mug.

Hannah shared with us that the revelation of her husband’s barista smothered secrecy was especially hard to swallow as she is caffeine intolerant. ‘It gives me a dodgy tummy and bouts of diarrhea, which is not to be sniffed at’ she explained. She also recounted their first date and how his redeeming feature was the fact he was at law school. Or so he said. Hannah stressed to us that under no circumstances would she have seen him again if she didn’t think he was going to become a top barrister. Marrying a successful, law obsessed man was a dream of hers since childhood. Not only this, but upon passing the Bar, she threw Ken a themed party with close friends and family. This involved turning their one bed flat into a court of law with inflatable witness boxes, lifesize jury cardboard cutouts, stationary shaped finger food and a white barrister wig pinata.

Ken’s modest income should have been a red flag, due to the fact barristers are considerably higher earners than baristas. However, Hannah mentioned that if ever that thought occurred to her, she assumed he had a harmless gambling problem and moved on with her day. She also said he would frequently treat her to endless hot chocolates; sometimes twenty a day. So, it seemed he had money to burn. She didn’t notice that they were only ever from Cafe Nero, which was his work place and where he had unlimited access to hot drinks. We must also add that it is common practice in this day and age for women to have nothing to do with their financial situation, so it’s right that she didn’t start meddling in something that was none of her business.

On the fateful day, Ken had finally had enough, and where he would usually slip a suit and some sort of tasteless tie on at the gym before returning home, he made the colossal decision to stay in his authentic work gear. Adding salt to the wound, he accidentally dropped a keep cup out of his bag when walking through the front door.

Ken busy at work.

The incident was over fairly quickly, but the damage done will most certainly last a lifetime. Hannah will find it difficult to ever trust again and her already traumatic relationship with coffee has been propelled to a new level of hell. Sources close to Ken say he’s opened up his own café south of the river, called ‘Cuppa Ken’, which is thriving. Hannah has vowed never to set foot in a coffee selling premises or anywhere in South London ever again.

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